This post is dedicated to those out in the world who are currently stressed due to finals, moving in or out, your friends, your family, traffic, how Congress is handling things, or anything else in life. This post's goal is not to make you feel bad or worse about whatever is going on in your life, but its purpose is to help you move on from what is making you feel sad, upset, frustrated, and flat out done. I am writing it because as much as I look at those around me and see them close to tears because of what life is throwing at them right now, I am writing it because I myself am done. Done with the shit. Done with everything that this semester has made me deal. And I am writing this to show everyone how my feelings of sadness, anger, exacerbation, and doneness have left me, and for one reason only.
I wish I wouldan know before senior year that I need to stop blaming everyone else and take responsibility for my own life.
This probably seems harsh - because it kind of is. But it is 100% true.
I am not going to lie at all - I have had the hardest and least fun semester of my life. Every class that I took was difficult and required more work than ever before. I had readings and even when I had time to read there were so many that I was behind in every class. Although I finished every assignment, I might have finished them an hour before they were due. I didn't put as much effort into things because there was so much and no time unless I wanted to pull an all-nighter every night.
I have been working over 20 hours a week, taking away time from everything else. I love my internship and am staying there for the spring, but sometimes when I've had a lot going on I've just wanted to not go in and work on the those things. But this internship is something I enjoy doing and its something I could see myself doing for a career. So I'd push through that and go.
My extracurriculars haven't been easy. There is always another problem, always something that needs to be solved. I am a dictionary on procedure and rules, so I'm always asked to help. Which I do because I know that I can help. I've been through a lot in life and through my involvement in so many different things, that when a situation arises I am able to think on my feet and help put a rest to that situation. However, these things have taken away from the joy of the extracurriculars I am in and have taken away time from other aspects of my life like school and social things. But since I love being involved in things not work or academics, I do it all and help all I can. There is little thanks, but I continue to push on.
It's been a rough semester socially, with having no time to do social things because of the others. The few times I have gone out, I get tired so early and leave so I can sleep since I rarely do that as well. I feel like I've missed out on a lot and never thought first semester senior year would be this hard.
So readers, that is my semester - but do you wanna know why currently I am smiling and I am one of the happiest people you will meet today? No, it's not because in my 2 assignment master's class I got a B+. No, it's not because I am done with finals. No, it's not because I am going home for a month on Saturday.
It's because I've realized all of my complaints and everything that I have stressed over wouldn't be as bad if I stopped complaining and took responsibility for everything in my life. Not every situation that happens and that has caused me pain was under my control - in reality more of them than not were not even close to under my control - but it's how I reacted to them that I had control over. And I realized that my reactions this semester have not always been the right way that I know how to react.
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. My realization that my life would be better if I reacted better to it means that I can improve that and move on. Life isn't easy and it is not supposed to be. It's supposed to be hard and you're supposed to make mistakes and cry and laugh and learn from everything that happens to you. As I look around at people right now, I am amazed at their reactions and how if they were to change them and be responsible for that how much better they would feel right now. Instead of complaining and bitching and making others around you uncomfortable and this and that and more, take a few minutes and look at what you are doing. Is it really helping you? Or is it making everything worse? For me, when I did that, I realized that it was making it much worse than it was better.
For example - I last night was dealing with an issue that arose in one of my extracurriculars and didn't have as much time to review for my #smpasocial media final that was this morning. I was angry and irritable about this and wanted everyone to leave me alone. But I took a few minutes and thought to myself, "Self, how can I make myself feel better about this situation? How can I improve what is going on within myself?" I came to the conclusion that I needed to go to sleep to feel better and not think about everything, and I woke up a little earlier to review.
Another example - my back always hurts. Always. It just does. Earlier in the semester it annoyed me and hurt so much that I would be in a bad mood all day. However, I discovered that instead of complaining about it and not do anything, that I should stand in the shower an extra few minutes, turn the heat up a little and put my back against the water, and to loosen up my muscles a little. It didn't help that much, but at the end of the day me making a small change in my attitude based on a behavioral change made all the difference.
It's up to you how you react to the stress of finals, your relationships, if your cable is out, etc. It's up to you how you make your life improve. Anyone who is reading this might be college age, so here is advice for you. Deal with your life. By yourself. No one else can make decisions for you, they can only give you advice and guide you. Don't ask your parents to do things for you - you're too old for that. Don't think that things are going to change without making a change yourself. Figure out what those changes need to be and run with them. Improve your attitude. Improve your reactions. Improve your life.
I have one last final suggestion - remember why you do things. Remember why you go to college. Remember why you have that friend who continues to annoy you recently. Remember why you joined that organization. When life gets you down, use those things that have in the past made you happy to make you happy again. Make sure you thank them later, but also use them now to improve your life.
It begins with you and also ends with you. If you are super stressed out and don't know what to do - try what I've suggested. You have nothing left to lose, right?
I apologize again if this post sounded harsh, but literally everyone on GW's campus currently looks super duper stressed out!
Always,
Caroline
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